little me

Hey little me,

I miss you. I just really (and I mean really) looked at the scar we got in Benton Harbor for the first time in awhile. That time we broke the glass and it sliced up our wrist.

Usually when I think about you I am filled with regret about not being aware of pretty much anything. Like how people behave, or details to important situations. All I have are blips. I think we did a damn good job of forgetting almost everything. I vacillate between wishing I could remember and being thankful that I can't. I wish you'd focused more on school, that you actually cared. But I know we had bigger fish to fry/too much on our plate/{insert another food reference for being overwhelmed here}. Did you really have that much to worry about? I mean realistically. Or are we weak? Was double manipulation too much to handle so you just stopped everything? I wish I could go back and rewrite it all, it would have been much easier to learn how to be a person over 26 years rather than the past 8. Who would we be if we hadn't gone through all of that?

You were so tough in that hospital. Filled with people covered with real injuries, bleeding from the head or covered in sores (yuck). It was dingy and gross; not a place anyone wants to be bleeding. I still have the marks from where the stitches were.Whoever stitched us up didn't do a very good job, the stitches are all over the place. It was our first injury, and it was so exciting! Only a weirdo finds being injured this interesting and fun. It's only fun at first, casts suck. Especially in the summer, and crutches are the worst in the winter. Plus it's expensive.

If we're in some sort of time continuum would you please start paying more attention? And try, please learn how to try. Ignore the adults in your family and just try to be stronger than you think you can. I hate to be a 26 year old asking an 8 year old to be stronger for her sake, but we really need this. I miss your innocence though. Were we ever really innocent? Gosh it's hard to remember things accurately.